Hello my name is Sourabh Tharwani. I am from Katni, Madhya Pradesh. I have completed my graduation in civil engineering (2017) from Jabalpur.
Journey Before Youth Conference:
Before coming to LMAD Youth Conference or before LMAD I was very scattered. I was born into a middle-class joint family and I have one elder brother. I am the youngest in the family. In every corner of the house I got infinite love from each and every one of my family members. I deeply know the meaning and sense of love from an early age.
But as I grew up, I started feeling a lot of insecurities within me regarding my looks, clothes, gadgets, and money. These insecurities came about because I started comparing myself to others. I started comparing myself with my cousins, friends and other people around me. When my cousins came home during the summer vacations, they looked more energetic and were up-to date with the latest attire. I began to notice a similar thing among my friends as well. Due to this comparison, I started suppressing my emotions deep down within me.
Due to this compressed nature, my friends started making fun of me and they bullied me most of the time which affected my confidence. They also made more fun of me as I was very fat. I was slowly losing my confidence. I was nurtured in a family where knowledge of spirituality, love and joy were given to every child in the family. I completed my higher education in an English medium school in Katni (a small town), however there was hardly any communication in English during school and this affected me a lot in college as I was not very fluent in the language.
During my college days, I was weighing 103 kg and I was a big fat guy having very low self-confidence and insecurities. On top of it all, I was also overthinking and facing a lot of challenges from my friends every day. One day I decided that I will lose weight and after a struggle of one year in college, I was able to go from 103 kgs to 70 kgs. To me, this was a very big achievement. Somehow, I gained a little confidence back in life, but the problem of overthinking, and insecurities and comparison still lurked within my mind during those days. I accepted these attributes were permanent and that I would have to learn to live with them.
As I just completed my graduation, I was feeling more confident, owing to the fact that I had lost weight. I also got into a relationship and I felt that everything was on track. I felt that there is always someone there to praise me and the feeling of comparing myself to others slowly diminished.
I totally adapted to her in every aspects of my life. For me this relationship of love went deeper and deeper and I felt that it was real. One day, she dumped me and I went back to square one and all those insecurities creeped back in. On that day I lost faith in everyone.Getting rejections from every corner made me more introverted and dull; and I passed each day with a heavy heart.
Journey At Youth Conference:
The LMAD Youth Conference for me was a turning point. Before this conference, I was looking for some mental peace and meditation course, or a counsellor to help me with all of the above incidents. When I came to know about this conference, I took a decision to attend it at that instant. When I came to AP, I slowly started adjusting to new people and being an introvert made it all the more tough.
I was introduced to the concept of Quite Time. During my first Quiet Time, I was full of tears as I reflected upon myself. As the days passed by at the conference, I learnt about the actual meaning of Purity, Unselfishness, Honesty, & Unconditional Love. After learning this, I started forgiving the people who behaved badly with me during my childhood and during my growing up years. I stopped blaming and complaining. I started apologizing from my heart to the people I hurt. Because of those seven days of Quite Time, I began to feel very light in my heart. During my stay at Asia Plateau, I started meeting different people and I started getting to know their stories. I was able to get new ideas and this gave me a boost. I was able to lift myself in every way possible.
I must say that this conference shaped me into a confident human being.
Journey After Youth Conference:
When I returned to my hometown and entered my house; I first hugged my Mother very tightly and cried continuously in her shoulder. She also cried. On that day I felt the attachment and feeling of pure love between a mother and a son. I also realized the importance of family after staying for seven days without contacting them. As the days passed by post my return from the Youth Conference, my way of thinking, and approach towards work changed in a positive manner. I started working on myself physically, I began to improve my language, I started reading more books, I started meeting new people, and I became more confident in my work and myself.
Whenever I talk to any new person, I don't hesitate anymore and I can talk head to head with more confidence. Even this Story Of Change was written by me (in English). I am very proud of this.
The biggest take away for me from the Youth Conference is the Quite Time session(s) and the second take away was that the world is very big; we don't have to be stuck on one problem. There are many things we can do to lift ourselves and win. And that can make you more strong and confident.
Thank you LMAD.