Siddharth Muthiyan - Aurangabad, Maharashtra

 

I attended the Let's Make A Difference Youth Conference for the first time in 2019 at Asia Plateau. My sole purpose of attending this conference was to make many contacts and connections with people from across India – just like my father. I was in class 10 that time and I was not mature enough.

There is a villa in Asia Plateau named Kutir. I was in that villa for the upcoming eight days and it also had a TV. The TV was not recharged but it had some free channels because of which I slept late everyday. This also made me sleep in all the sessions of the conference. I found what Viral sir said was boring. “I knew everything i.e. honesty, impurity, selfishness. I can find these same things on Youtube.” This was my thinking back then. During the entire eight day period, I had not written anything apart from asking everyone’s phone number and their Instagram id. I had not participated in any group discussions too.

Before attending the conference I had a very bad phase in my life. I thought I loved my Mom and Dad but I did not know the real meaning of it. One day my mother received a call and I got to know that my father was taken by the police to Mumbai Arthur road jail because something had happened. Later I was told there was a business dispute between my father and another person and that he had filed a non bailable warrant. I was completely destroyed from inside. My life had turned upside down upon hearing this. I could never process what had happened. The only thing I was doing at that moment was consoling my mother and stopping her tears from flowing.

The next day as I went to school, I was feeling very low and a friend of mine approached me and asked me about the things he has been hearing about my father. He was mocking me. He also told me that it is printed in this newspaper on this so and so page no.I felt very bad after seeing my friend having made fun of me. I started crying. I cried in the bus. I cried while getting out of the bus. I cried while running to my house. We were already facing some financial problems and this had happened. I had decided that I will not go to school after this. I told my mother that I cannot face this. She replied “bas itne mai darr gaya? Abhi toh puri life baaki hai. Life is not a bed of roses it has thorns too” That was the day I understood the real meaning of that idiom.

My school fees was pending that was around 80-90 thousand and I was called by administration of the school to pay or else I would not get my class ten hall ticket. I did not know what to do. My family members were not supportive. My grandparents were orthodox people and blamed it on my mother. My sister was in Ahmedabad for her studies. The only person who was there beside my mother was me and I knew I had to take care of her. But I could do nothing to help. The only thing I could do at that moment was to get good grades in my class ten boards.

Since class six I had been a state level badminton player and in class ten I had worked very hard so that I could get selected for Nationals. But I decided to drop out of this. This is because, I did not have the courage to ask my mother for money (INR 4,000) for my badminton classes. The only running incoming we were getting was INR 10,000. I told my friends that I will not be playing this year because I want to focus on my studies 

I missed my Dad.

It had been five months since my father went to prison. No person in their life will want their mother to cry. I had seen my mother cry for every alternate day of those five months! Not one time, but I saw my mother cry a thousand times. That’s when I knew my mother was the whole universe to me. I used to cry every time. I was in complete depression. I used to cry while taking a shower, I used to cry silently while sleeping so that no one could hear me.

There were relatives coming every now and then and wanted to know what happened. I could see it on their faces that they were not concerned and only wanted that masala for their party/hangout talks. After five months I was very happy when my dad came home. My dad went from driving a Mercedes to driving a swift, from wearing a Da Vinci shoes worth INR 10k+ to not buying a Bata shoes worth INR 2000.

I could not see him like this. That was the time I realised that me having the best Nike shoes just because my friends have it was a complete waste. I always used to be in complete state of comparison and wanted the most expensive things.The only ray of hope was Let's Make A Difference. I attended the conference. Did nothing. I moved on from all this. Three Years passed. In these three years the values that were tought by Let's Make A Difference helped me unconsciously during my hard times and also in all the decisions that I made. From being Selfish to becoming unselfish. From having a lot of ego to caring for others. From being dishonest to being firm with my honesty even if it resulted in loss of a relationship or not speaking to the person just because he/she is elder. From running behind money to running behind hard work.

After three years of covid, depression, ups and downs, I attended the 2022 Panchgani conference not with the motive of making new contacts but to build a family and improve myself. I was a person who was always naughty, never used to study or write, and later on I developed stage fear. I could barely speak in front of ten people. I used to not ask doubts in my math class just because I was scared of asking. It was the first time I had written something in a book in my diary in 2022. I spoke on stage in front of 150+ people and I felt good.

I had realised how much Let's Make A Difference values have changed me. Hence I made a decision to do the fellowship so that I can change others too.