Change… This is where the journey of unfolding my life started. I had a friend in a college who was suffering from clinical depression. And I was trying to be this person’s friend and help him. I started ignoring myself on the way. Everybody around me started warning me to stay away from my friend. But all I could hear and make out from their suggestions was don’t help and just do your work. I knew that they meant well, but I could not understand why would anyone ask me not to help someone or to help someone within limits. It was beyond my understanding when I have grown up listening and stories of unselfishness in love and care, and helping others by going out of the way.
Those were the days I wanted to change everything and everyone around me. All that time I was desperately searching for someone to help me and listen to me. I started reading and listening to self help material.
Then out of nowhere, one fine day, my dad was asked to come to Panchgani for a conference. When he returned back, he told us about everything that was taught and spoken. That was the ray of hope in my otherwise sad and depressing time. I started searching about IofC and reading about the work done. My father had already registered for me and my sibling. I started noticing some strong thoughts and emotions coming. But I did not know what to do of that except to suppress them and just be more miserable.
The few weeks before the YC 2014, I had isolated myself, I strongly believed I lost all my friends. I felt I deserved no friends.
I arrived at AP, friendless, a complete mess from within. Then the interactions started, the sessions, everyone sharing their stories, experiences. What got me out of my shell were the Group Discussions and the countless smiles all the along the stay. I could connect with many people and their sharings.
Introduction to the concept of “Quiet Time” and inner voice helped me to calm all the commotion inside me. I got a recognition for my feelings & as the time is passing by, I have started to get governed by my inner voice. I had found my friend, my teacher and my guide. Now I knew where I had to go to find my answers. All this didn’t happen suddenly on first day or in the first conference. Its been a journey ever since. There have been ups and downs and I am grateful for all the lows in my journey. They have helped me rise up more as a person and I realized I do not have to be average anymore.
I read these beautiful line “Its fun how we never seen our face. Its just the reflection”. That is the quest I am on, to find my clear reflection and grow gracefully in all aspects of life.